My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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