i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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