I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
