I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
