i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
