Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
