I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
