so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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