We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
