you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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