**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
