god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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