Just took my morning after pill in the library
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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