i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
