youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
