If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
