I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
