My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize