I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
