D3 body, D1 cock
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
