atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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