Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize