I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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