HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
