One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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