enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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