You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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