Your face is a jimmy john
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
FUCK WHALES
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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