that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Will exercising make me less horny?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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