3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
