i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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