I feel like abortions should bother me more
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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