Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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