I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
