Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
