dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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