We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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