Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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