I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
