Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize