She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize