She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
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