good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
