I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
my poor anus
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
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