At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Every concussion has its silver lining
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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