it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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