he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
