Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
She said her name was "party"
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
