She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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