I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
