We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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