hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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