Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
