Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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