Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
