at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Welp...herpes.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
