every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize