I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
