Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
