I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
