I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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