I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
