matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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