i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize