i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
