who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
