I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
