Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
