I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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