i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I need to stop coming to work sober
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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