Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
if only i could text you this smell
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I will pee on everything he values.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
